For the next few days, I kept myself busy learning and enjoying the art of begging. I would travel across the city, cheating London's Oyster card system by sneaking on to busses through the back set of doors, or flashing a used bus pass I'd picked up off the floor. I hunted for chicken shops, run or owned by Asian muslims, preying on their religious nature. As I told you, Islam instructs its believers not to deny food to anyone hungry or desperate. I now had abundant meal opportunities and excess energy to burn. I had transformed into someone more confident, more comfortable.
A few hints and tricks for any fellow beggars out there: Never beg to someone who is talking on their the mobile. Disturbing them could be catastrophic and may attract abuse. Always ask for food, rather than money, although if you are lucky you may get money as well. I'm not a fan of stereotypes but I must tell you that I found that white middle-class people were the most indifferent and ignorant to my begging. Black and Asian people were very giving. A sizeable number of Londoners with Chinese backgrounds pretended they didn't understand what I was asking for: "Me no speak English" was a common phrase. Don't waste your precious time with them. Eastern Europeans had very little to give, but then many were and still are victims of the UK's dire economic situation. A few Caribbean people scared the hell out of me with their pigeon accents.
So, be careful who you chose my friends. You wouldn't want begging to become too stressful, would you? Last, but not least, try to be respectful and avoid getting bitter if you are refused help. There is a good samaritan for every angry snob out there.
All this might sound like I am encouraging begging or perhaps trying to seek election as the next union leader for beggars! I'm not. But begging does have its benefits and is often misrepresented. Journalists, policy makers and even some charities in London frequently advise people against giving money to the begging community, arguing that it will be spent on drink and drugs and used to fuel a cycle of dependency. I wonder if any of the people who write these kind of messages have ever experienced true hardship. I doubt that some have ever even spoken to a homeless person. Nobody begs for pleasure and no one wants to be a victim of alcohol or drugs. Reports of begging con artists who return to their detached homes with enough money to buy some new designer clothes are overblown. Most beggars are people who were once decent, innocent children and are now the residual waste of modern capitalism. Begging is a criminal offence but it is also a behavioural disfuction brought about by sickness and poverty.
